Milton's Ultimate Hero Read online

“He doesn’t hate you. Trust me. He’s told me as much. He says he understands.” Maggie put up a hand to stop Steve from speaking. “Yes, he was hurt by what you did…or didn’t do, but he understands why you didn’t.”

  That made Steve feel even worse. He bet Milton understood all too well why he didn’t come to the rescue. Hell, Steve was pretty sure Milton had been rejected and shunned and…all his life.

  “He also said he was worried about you, wanted to know if you were okay, that you didn’t hate him.”

  “Huh?”

  Maggie nodded.

  Steve was amazed. He felt sure Milton would hate him, would be sticking pins in Steve-shaped voodoo dolls or something.

  “In fact that’s why I’m here now.” Up came Maggie’s hand. “No, Milton didn’t ask me to come, he would never do that. But for the past three days I’ve watched as three people I care about have been unhappy, and I’ve had enough. Boys…” She shook her head in resignation. “You’re all hopeless.”

  “Okay, Madame Yenta, what do you suggest I do?”

  Maggie took another suck on her straw. “You can start by getting me another of these. It isn’t Barq’s, but, eh.”

  Steve smiled and attracted the attention of a passing waitress.

  New drinks in front of them, Maggie began. “You and Milton had a good time at the Comic-Con, right?”

  Steve nodded. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so much. Milton had a dry wit that complemented his own more zany sense of humor. Some of the things Milton had said about the other attendees had had Steve in stitches. The guy had a really sharp eye for detail and a great sense of the ridiculous. But then Steve had concluded that’s what probably made him such a great cartoon artist.

  “So you’re okay with Milton outside of school or where no one else knows you.”

  Steve hung his head; Maggie had pretty much nailed it.

  “Would you be okay being seen with Milton if JJ or I were with you?”

  Steve had to think about that. “Maybe. I know, it’s totally shitty of me.”

  Maggie neither agreed nor disagreed with that statement. “And maybe, when you see that the sky hasn’t fallen in when you’re seen hanging out with Milton, you might feel better about yourself. And who knows, you might feel able to go further.”

  “Not as far as wearing a ball gown.”

  Maggie shook her head. “No, we’ll leave that to JJ. He’s got the legs for it.”

  The two of them cracked up at the mental image of seeing the cool jock in women’s formalwear.

  “God, you’re great, JJ’s such a lucky guy to have you.”

  Maggie smiled. “I know, that’s what I keep telling him. But he’s pretty special in his own way, too.”

  Steve sighed. He didn’t want to go there. JJ was straight and there could never be anything more between them than friendship. And as the days went on, Steve grew more and more comfortable with that.

  “But the first thing you need to do is give Milton one big-ass apology for behaving like—”

  “A big ass,” Steve completed.

  “And you’re obviously more comfortable about doing that away from school, and I think Milton would be, too.”

  “But where? I mean, I don’t have his address or anything.”

  Up came Maggie’s hand yet again before it dove into her purse and pulled out a notepad. “But I do.” She wrote something on a back page, ripped it out, and slid the paper over to Steve.

  “Thanks.” He read the address. He didn’t know the neighborhood, only that it wasn’t in a particularly good part of Harlem. “I should take him something, you know, to show him how sorry I am.”

  Maggie shook her head. “Just take your sincerity.”

  “I was right to call you Yenta. But seriously, what should I take?”

  Maggie shrugged, obviously out of ideas.

  “What do you give JJ when you want to say you’re sorry?”

  She smiled. “I’m never sorry for anything I do.”

  “Yeah, right.” Steve grinned. “I’ll give it some thought.”

  “You’re not going to see him tonight?”

  Steve knew he’d need a little time to prepare himself. He’d need to be totally sincere in his apology, and just at the moment he was too nervous. “I’ll go tomorrow after school.”

  Maggie smiled. “My work here is done. I’ll leave the rest to you.”

  She drained her glass, making a very unladylike noise.

  Outside on the sidewalk, Steve said, “Thanks, Maggie.” Just before breaking their hug he turned his head and kissed her cheek. Embarrassed, he added, “Please don’t tell JJ I kissed his girl.”

  “Silly.” Maggie pulled Steve back into the hug and kissed his cheek. “Now we’re even. Look after yourself, okay?”

  Steve nodded. “I’ll try.”

  * * * *

  “Another exciting Friday evening, eh, Bob?” Milton said, dropping a flake of food into the small aquarium.

  The goldfish swam to the surface, gulped down the food, and kept on swimming.

  “It’s all right for you,” Milton sighed, slumping onto his bed and picking up the library book he’d borrowed the day before. “No, best save it until tomorrow, or even Sunday.”

  Milton knew that as soon as he began reading the last of Simon R. Green’s Nightside series he wouldn’t be able to put it down. So he was saving it until total boredom set in. Currently he was only mildly bored.

  Looking up at the cracked and water-stained ceiling, Milton allowed his mind to drift. Within short order he began to construct his favorite fantasy—he and a certain asshole jock walking hand in hand along the streets of Chelsea. They’d look at all the cool stuff in the store windows, the clothes, food, hot guys. At some point his boyfriend would wrap an arm around Milton’s waist and pull him close. Instantly Milton would feel an overwhelming sense of belonging, togetherness, and security. He’d look up at his boyfriend, they’d kiss right there on the street and…

  “Uh, Milton, honey?” his mom said, knocking at his bedroom door.

  Milton rolled off the bed and went to his door, curious at the strange tone of his mom’s voice.

  “There’s a, um, superhero at the door for you. He says it’s important.”

  Had he fallen asleep, was this a dream? Or had his mom flipped? She worked really long hours at her two jobs—in fact, wasn’t it almost time for her to be leaving for the evening cleaning job she had at the Google building in Chelsea?

  “Um, who is it?” Milton asked.

  “It’s me,” a familiar voice said, coming around the bend in the hallway.

  Milton gasped as he saw Steve. Not only was he surprised to see his latest fantasy crush in his apartment, but he was dressed in full Superman costume, complete with flowing red cape. I really must be dreaming. God, I hope I don’t wake up.

  “Can I speak to you?” Turning to Milton’s mom, he added, “If that’s okay, Mrs. Katz.”

  His mom smiled and shook her head. “It’s Ms. Graham. I changed my name back when I divorced Milton’s father. But, yes, it’s okay with me, if, uh,” she looked at Milton. “If it’s okay with you, hon.”

  Milton nodded, still too stunned to speak.

  “Thank you for coming…”

  “Steve, Steve Morrison.” Steve held out his hand to Milton’s mom.

  “Milton doesn’t get many friends visiting him,” she said, taking Steve’s hand.

  “He isn’t a friend,” Milton said, suddenly finding his voice. But at seeing Steve’s face fall, he wished he’d remained mute.

  “That’s one of the things I came to talk with you about,” Steve said, fingering the hem of his cape.

  “I’ll leave you two, then. Do you need anything before I go?”

  “No, thanks, Mom. You just be careful, okay?”

  His mom smiled and went into her bedroom to change.

  Steve stood in the hallway, tall, sexy, and heroic.

  “You better come in,” Mi
lton said, stepping back and opening the door wide.

  Milton became conscious of what Steve must think of his room. It was small, shabby, and cheaply furnished. Milton knew Steve was from a rich family. His closet was probably about the size of this room.

  “Cozy,” Steve said, confirming Milton’s fears.

  Changing the subject, Milton asked, “You didn’t walk the streets wearing that costume, did you?”

  Steve smiled one of his crooked, knee-trembling smiles.

  God, those lips.

  “I wore a long overcoat and stuffed the cape inside it.”

  “Oh.”

  The two remained standing, an awkward silence falling between them.

  It was broken when Milton’s mom called out from the hallway, “I’ll see you tomorrow, hon.”

  “Okay, Mom. Goodnight.”

  Milton heard the front door close and became conscious that he was now alone with Steve.

  “Uh, like I said, I came to apologize.” Steve fingered the hem of his cape again. “Apologize for Monday morning. When I…”

  It was on the tip of Milton’s tongue to say that it was all right, but it wasn’t. Milton had thought Steve was a friend, he’d certainly behaved like one Sunday at the Comic-Con. But back at school, Steve hadn’t wanted anything to do with him. Milton understood why, but that didn’t stop it from hurting.

  “I, uh…” Steve swallowed. “I was wrong. So, I…I came here to say I was sorry.”

  “Yes.”

  Milton didn’t know what else to say. Should he tell Steve what his rejection had meant? Milton wasn’t a vindictive person; there was little point in making Steve any more uncomfortable than he already was. He could see the guy was genuinely sorry. But would he do it again if the same circumstances were repeated?

  “Milton?” Steve said when Milton didn’t say anything else.

  “Yes,” Milton repeated.

  “Uh, can I sit down?”

  This spurred Milton into action. He was being a bad host; his mom had raised him better than that.

  “Sure, take the chair.” Milton gestured to a faux-leather office chair, the cover of which was held together with duct tape.

  “Thanks.” Steve sat awkwardly, not wanting to sit on his cape. “So, how’s it going?”

  Milton sat on the side of his bed and shrugged. “Okay. Just doing the usual stuff for a Friday night, reading, maybe listen to some music later.”

  Milton realized he must sound pathetic. Steve probably spent his Fridays out with friends or family, doing fun things like going to the movies, eating out, attending concerts. Milton couldn’t remember the last time he’d done anything like that.

  The two fell silent again. This was totally awkward, but Milton had little to no experience of having other guys in his bedroom, especially not ones wearing superhero costumes.

  “It looks good on you…the costume.” Which translated as, you look totally hot as Superman.

  “Thanks. I wanted to rent Northstar, but the clerk at the costume store said they didn’t have that one.”

  Milton had admitted his favorite comic character was Northstar. He’d been the first X-men character to come out as gay and the first major comic book character to get married to another guy. Part of Milton was touched that Steve would try to go to all that effort.

  Steve looked down at the folded hands in his lap. “This is nice.”

  It was awkward as hell. A total contrast to the constant joking around of the previous Sunday.

  “Do you want a Coke or something?” Milton asked, filling the silence.

  Steve shook his head. “Maybe later.”

  “Okay.”

  The two lapsed into silence once again.

  “Wouldn’t you have felt uncomfortable, dressing as Northstar because he’s…” Milton wished he hadn’t started his question.

  “Gay?”

  Milton nodded. He’d pretty much worked out that Steve was gay, but wouldn’t have asked because clearly the guy was uncomfortable with his sexuality.

  “I am gay.” Steve admitted, “You’re only the second person I’ve said that to.”

  Milton bet the other person he’d told was JJ. And no doubt Maggie also knew. “I promise I won’t out you to anyone.”

  “Thanks.” Steve’s eyes drifted to the bed next to Milton. “The Nightside series, cool.”

  Milton wasn’t sure about that. He looked down at the cover. Didn’t reading books like that just confirm that he was a nerd?

  “You read it yet?” Steve asked.

  “Not yet.”

  “You’ll enjoy it. Shame it’s the last in the series, though.”

  This was getting weirder and weirder. Steve read those kinds of books? And Milton thought jocks only read baseball playbooks and the like, their lips moving as their fingers traced the words. No, that was unfair. Steve took AP English just like he did. And often got involved in classroom discussions, although he hadn’t done much of that over the past week. Milton had to admit he hadn’t, either. Mr. Grayson was probably wondering why two of his best students had suddenly decided to stay quiet in class.

  “Being gay, it isn’t easy,” Steve said in the silence.

  “No. Although it’s probably easier here in New York City.” Milton had read about teen suicides in the Bible belt. He shook his head at how helpless those kids must have felt to take their own lives.

  “I’ve only ever kissed one guy.”

  Milton was doubly surprised. First that Steve would tell him such a thing, and also that the guy had had so little experience. “Why? You’re hot.”

  Steve grinned. Shit, had Milton really said that out loud?

  “Sorry.”

  Steve chuckled.

  Not knowing where he got the courage from, Milton asked, “So, who was your first and only?”

  Steve sighed. “You’ll laugh. It isn’t something I’m proud of, a case of mistaken identity or, should I say, mistaken interest.”

  Milton’s courage was deserting him. Before it fled completely, he quietly said, “I won’t laugh. It can’t be any worse than my first time.” He sat forward, his and Steve’s knees almost touching.

  Steve looked into his lap. “It was JJ,” he said quietly.

  Milton couldn’t help himself; he let out a single, loud bark of laughter.

  Steve shrank away. Instinctively, Milton reached out and put his hand on top of Steve’s. “No, you don’t understand. I wasn’t laughing at you. My first kiss was JJ, too.”

  “What?” Steve looked at him, astonished.

  Milton nodded and explained that he’d gotten upset when JJ and Maggie had bought him a replacement for his X-Men comic that had gotten torn by some basketball goons. He and JJ had gone into an empty classroom and… “JJ had said some really nice things and, even though I knew he was straight, I put a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. I think I shocked the shit out of him. And talking about shit, I half expected him to kick the shit out of me.”

  Still chuckling, Steve said, “He’d never do that.”

  Milton agreed. After a moment or two of silence, Milton asked, “So, tell me why you kissed him.”

  “We were in the gym. JJ was on the weight bench, I was spotting for him. He was trying to tell me something, I thought he was coming out to me, so I leaned down and kissed him.”

  “Oh, God,” Milton gasped. “What made you think he was coming out to you? I mean, he’s, like, super straight.”

  “Well he was saying stuff like ‘I know you’ll understand’ and ‘I need your help because I’ve got this friend.’ I thought he was talking about himself. But he was meaning you.”

  Milton tried not to flinch as he turned away. Steve’s words felt like a punch to the stomach.

  How could JJ? Milton thought, sniffing back tears. He’d trusted the guy, thought he was a friend. And no doubt Maggie was in on it, too. Milton felt sick. He was back to having no friends.

  “Maybe you should go.”

&n
bsp; “No, Milton, it wasn’t like that. JJ’s a good guy. So’s Maggie. They were trying to help you…help me, too.”

  Milton heard the chair squeak. Then he felt a hand rest on his shoulder, which he shrugged off. He curled up on his bed, clutching the pillow to his stomach.

  Of course, it all made sense. Milton felt miserable. He knew Maggie had pushed Steve onto him. That breakfast at the diner. They’d arranged things so Steve would have to sit next to him. Then Maggie had suggested—none-too subtly—that the two of them should go to Comic-Con together. “Were they just using me?” Milton fought back tears.

  “No. Stop it,” Steve said, giving Milton’s shoulder a light rub. “It wasn’t like that.”

  Milton lost the battle with his emotions. “Why? Just when I thought I had some friends. And all along they were plotting behind my back. They had a gay friend, so they thought they’d find him someone who was also gay. They knew I liked jocks, because I’d made a fool of myself with JJ. Jeez. I made it so easy for them.”

  Steve got onto the bed and spooned Milton from behind. A thick arm curled around him and Milton was pulled up against a strong, firm body. Milton tried to break free, but he was too tired, and Steve was too strong.

  “No, Milton, whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong. I’m your friend because I want to be, not because Maggie and JJ wanted me to be.”

  “You didn’t want to be my friend Monday morning.”

  “I know.” Steve paused. “I’m sorry.” His hug tightened. “Like I said, it isn’t easy for me. But that was no excuse for letting those meatheads push you around. God, I wish you could believe me when I say that I wish I’d have done things different.”

  They continued to lie there, Milton calming down, finding unaccustomed comfort and security in another boy’s arms. Part of Milton wanted it to go on for ever, another part hated himself for being so needful. Soon Steve, once he’d convinced himself he’d apologized enough, would leave, and that would be the last Milton would see of him in any meaningful sense. Thinking he might as well grab what he could while he could, Milton twisted around in Steve’s arms.

  The jock-turned-superhero cupped Milton’s face in his large hand. “Okay?”

  Milton nodded, but felt far from okay.

  Steve seemed to look deep into Milton’s soul. A part of Milton wondered…hoped Steve would lean in and kiss him. Their lips had to be only six inches apart.